American Thinker Blog: Did you turn your clocks back like a good little citizen?

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I thought I was all alone on this.  Thank you, Rick Moran

..the bottom line is that for most Americans, except those living close to time zone boundaries – Daylight Savings Time is unnecessary. There is evidence that there is no discernible savings in energy, little impact on public safety, and a negative impact on economic activity except for a few industries like convenience stores, golf courses and some retailers. At best, it can be said that there are as many negative effects as positive effects.

via American Thinker Blog: Did you turn your clocks back like a good little citizen?.

Loneliness

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Loneliness is not defined in solitude, but in the company of strangers who are called friends.  When companions most intimate are more to be feared than mortal enemies one is truly alone. What is life’s blood at the cost of a slaughtered heart? Feelings must be concealed, for they slash like double-edged daggers. They drip with the gore of our most beloved, and with our own. We were made for each other, yet we tear each other apart. This is the price of life together, ever seeking, never quite finding that which we crave. Can hope be found in such carnage? Yes, but one cannot obtain it by force. Love is found in sacrifice.

New Vision

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I had the thought before recently, but yesterday Linda and I really talked about it as if it could happen. With the recent advances in medical treatment, particularly around adult stem cells, I have begun to wonder if by that or some other means I might have significant improvement of my vision. It has not been a serious consideration to me until now. The repair of nerve tissue has been beyond the realm of possibility until recently. My condition being possibly unique means that direct research on it is unlikely. I have been pretty sure that science would not hold the answer and the most reasonable solutions that have been conceivable seemed to me to be far too risky to consider. What I have isn’t much but losing it is not a chance I have been willing to take.

What if there really is a chance now? Do I want it? Had I been asked a week ago I would have said emphatically “yes!” I still don’t know how I would feel if it were a sure thing. Adding the element of long-held hope for healing that could be dashed once again complicates my reaction. I think it is the hope that I fear. It has only been in recent years that I have finally begun to be at peace with being “blind.” For most of my life I wouldn’t even use that word. After all it’s not technically true as I have a little bit of vision. Now I find it easier to just say blind. I fought the tendency to be angry with God over it. Growing up we prayed often and tried every formula the Pentecostal/charismatic traditions had to offer. I became bitter, and it took many years for God to soften my heart and give me a new perspective on His sovereignty, omniscience, and love. I have learned at least in part to trust Him with my circumstances. I have learned to be thankful for the many good things I have. I can’t say I never struggle anymore, but I can say I am as content as I have ever been and I am ready to trust Him whatever He decides to do.

I don’t want to go back to the angst and frustration that comes with focusing on something you want to the exclusion of all else. It affected my ability to pray. It hampered my ability to minister to others in need. It was a wall between me and all that I hold dear. When I heard people like Joni Eareckson Tada say that they were content and would not change their circumstances if they had the chance, I thought at best they deluded themselves in an effort to cope. Now I begin to understand. Though it may be far from what it should be, I would not sacrifice my relationship with Jesus on the altar of my healing. It brings me to tears as I realize that I really do feel this way. I plan to make an appointment with a specialist I think most likely to be able to help me because in the absence of clear direction to the contrary I think I should seek to be healed, but if I find my hope turning once again to covetousness, I will rejoice in my blindness, for it is a small price to pay for what I have gained. If I must wait for this earthly life to end, then the first thing I will see clearly is the face of my Lord. Could there be anything better than that?

A Joyful Prayer

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What follows is the journal entry I made this morning. A few years ago I took to writing my journal entries as prayers to God. This one came out of a tough week. I knew when I was given the topic of rejoicing for my sermon that it would be a lesson for me as much or more than anyone else. I think the Lord wanted me to quite literally practice what I preach, so He allowed this time of testing to help prepare me. So, this morning as I wrote I began to put into practice the advice that I plan to give on Sunday for choosing to rejoice. I call it The Four R’s of Rejoicing.

I don’t know how I feel this morning. There’s some guilt because I fell short this week in many ways. I know what to do about some of that, but not everything. In two days I’m going to talk about choosing to rejoice. It’s time I learned the lesson. Is my own formula, so much as it can be called that, worth anything? It’s time to try it. I feel better already.

I do remember what You have done for me. Though it humbles and shames me for I know how little I deserve, it also encourages and strengthens me to know that You have always been with me. You have taken all my trash and are turning it into treasure. Though guarded, I have more hope now than I’ve had in many years. You are good to me. You meet me in my weakness. I should be celebrating all the time and devoted to You without reservation for no other reason than that You paid the price of my sin for me. Yet the reality of what You did is easily lost in the swirl of everyday existence. If You owe me anything it is judgment and death, but You have given me mercy and life. You keep giving, quietly orchestrating my life to be what You want it to be despite my foolishness. You love me and want good things for me. To You I gladly give control.

I may not know the reasons why things happen, but I do know I can trust You. I could imagine reasons, but that is rarely very helpful. The best place to redirect my thinking in those times is right back to remembering who You are and what You’ve done. In the face of such goodness, why would I think You mean anything but the best for me, whatever the current circumstance?

The closest I can get to reproducing at this very moment I suppose is to share the contents of today’s journal entry. I hope that doing so encourages someone else today, reminding them that You are a good and loving God. We can choose to rejoice in that, just as You commanded. Why would we not choose joy over sorrow, delight over depression and faith over fear? This is my choice today.

Please forgive me for not making the choice in the past. I am returning to You, the source of my salvation and all that is good in my life. You are Lord of my life. To obey You is to love You and find my own fulfillment in the process. You paid the price for me. This is one time when it’s good to be bought. I can’t see where I’m going, so I’d better let You do the driving. You’ve got the keys anyway. Thank You for redeeming me in every way. This is truly a day to rejoice.

Technically Rambling

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We really do live in in an amazing time. Today I read an article by Jonah Goldberg on the National Review web site that pointed out how much better we live than we used to and how inexpensively. That’s not to deny the economic trouble that is upon us and bound to worsen, but it helps to have some perspective. We have it good.

I was just thinking about this from the perspective of someone who is blind. I’m sitting in front of a computer that is reading the words I type and magnifying them to somewhere around twenty times so that I can see them too. While the system doesn’t always run smoothly, it is amazing that I can sit here and type at full speed while it tracks right along with me. Sitting to my left is the laptop I use for work, outfitted with the same software combo. It’s not a perfect world. The reason I’m writing to you at this moment is that they’ve pushed some kind of install that has kept the laptop tied up all morning, but a mere twenty-five years ago what I am doing now would be near impossible. There were things out there, but they cost as much as a small car and few of us could acquire them. Beside that is a CCTV magnifier that allows me to put printed material or anything else that will fit under it for a highly magnified view. Those unfortunately haven’t come down very much in price.

Now I don’t even need to go to the office, but if I do, the bus will automatically announce the streets as it takes me to the train station. The train will do the same for all the stops. I take along with me a cell phone that keeps me in touch online and reads everything out just like the computers do. That is possible because the thing has its own computer that has exponentially more powerful than the first PC I used back in ’88. I can use the phone or my dedicated digital audio book player (a Victor Reader Stream from HumanWare) to access all kinds of reading material. We wouldn’t call these items cheap, but I don’t currently know anyone who needs them who hasn’t managed to get one, though admittedly this is often with help from the government. Though I will not deny that government has played a role in advancing the availability of some of this technology, knowing how intervention distorts markets makes me wonder what amazing things we would be seeing if assistive technology companies couldn’t rely on state contracts to keep prices high and had to design and build directly for the consumer. That’s another topic for another time.

Now we’re beginning to see things I doubt many of us thought would happen. I don’t know which is more exciting, the advent of functional open-source free software for the blind, or the inclusion of accessibility in mainstream products made for the general public. I’ll tackle the latter first, since I don’t yet have any personal experience with it. Whatever you think of Apple, the fact that fully functional accessibility features are now integrated with all of their major offerings from the IPod Touch to the Power Mac is an industry first. If I were going to buy my first PC today, it would probably be a Mac. They cost more, but if I bought a PC with add-on software I would have to spend an absolute minimum of $300 extra. That as I recall is the low-end price for the least expensive commercial screen reader on the market and I’m thinking I’m short $100. That more than offsets the extra cost of the Mac. It’s likely that I would have to spend considerably more to get what I really need, amounting to the cost of the PC plus a Mac. I almost bought one when I went shopping for a new PC earlier this year. The only reason I backed out was the investment of time and money I already have in PC based software.

I can’t say that without pointing out one thing. I don’t have any specific information on this, but I do wonder if Microsoft’s tepid attempt at a screen reader doesn’t have at least something to do with the opposition it encounters when it is perceived as running other companies out of the market. Though I’ve been a fan of GW Micro and Window-Eyes for years and would hate to see them suffer the upheaval of having to find other markets, that’s economic reality. I can’t help thinking that if MS is willing and felt free to do so they could build a complete screen reader solution that would work better than anything we have today since they know the platform.

Of course, I could go with a free screen reader. Yes, there is such a thing. It’s called NVDA, and I’ve been trying it out on some other computers. It lands somewhere between Windows Narrator and a commercial solution, but initial tests are encouraging. So far I have only used it to do some light web browsing and word processing, but it has done a good job with Internet Explorer and Microsoft Word 2003. It is supposed to work with Open Office, something Window-Eyes can’t do. I have not verified this but I don’t think any of the commercial packages do. I haven’t given this a try yet.

NVDA did get me out of a jam. My wife’s new laptop runs Windows 7. We took it to church to run a DVD video for the class she is teaching, but it did not play as expected. Neither of us knew how to navigate out of the wrong video that was playing and get to the right one. I had already learned the hard way that Windows Media Player will not show protected video with Window-Eyes (or JAWS for that matter) running, but I needed speech. Having foreseen that this might happen, I had brought NVDA along on a USB flash drive. I quickly loaded it up and was able to find the navigation controls to get us back on track. It worked because NVDA does not hook into or disable features in the Windows Video subsystem. More time and testing will tell, but it looks like I could take this free screen reader to any PC that will allow software to run from a USB drive and have instant accessibility. If this proves out I will gladly donate to the project.

There’s other good news on the operating system front. If you go back a few posts in this blog you’ll find my first look at Vinux, a fully accessible installation of Linux. One common problem blind computer users face is that even if accessible solutions are available for their operating system of choice, there is no way to install the OS itself without help. Vinux addresses this problem by loading a fully functional copy of Linux from a CD. One then starts installation to the computer via a desktop icon, allowing the process to be spoken with the Orca screen reader. Since my original post a new Ubuntu based version has been released that addresses many of the problems I had with the older version. I have not had a lot of time to play with it, but so far I like what I’m seeing (and hearing.) Unless I just trashed it the other day trying to install MySQL, this version will be the platform from which I learn Linux and the tools I will need to set up a web server.

Accessibility is always a challenge. There are standards, and if all developers followed those standards then it would be easy to build solutions that allow the blind to use the same tools that everyone else is using. In the real world this doesn’t happen. That would not have to be a problem if any new elements or techniques were designed from the beginning with accessibility in mind, but most people are not aware of the problem. That or they think it will be too expensive or compromise their design to implement accessibility. That’s why there will always be room for add-on products that bridge the gap.

I recently encountered such a product, and amazingly it also is free, though donation is encouraged. I am still evaluating it and I’m not sure it isn’t causing some stability issues on my system, but with so many things running and updates constantly being applied it’s hard to tell. I think it’s a keeper. It’s a programmed with a name that makes you wonder what they were thinking. It’s called Qwitter. The site would probably tell me, but I’m guessing it’s a combo name for something like Quick Twitter. That would be a good way to describe it. My Twitter account exists primarily as a conduit for getting content to Facebook with the added benefit of exposure through another popular service. I always have Firefox open and use an add-on called Twitter Bar to quickly post status updates. My blog feeds Twitter which then feeds Facebook. That’s a bit redundant since FB picks up the blog anyway, but its RSS interface is not exactly timely, so the effect has been to spread notifications out over a few hours thus increasing the possibility that people will see it.

I follow a few people on Twitter using its RSS feature, but mostly I stick to Facebook. That may change now. For one, I hear there may be plans to add Facebook functions to Qwitter, but even without that this program is a uniquely effective way to handle real-time Twitter monitoring and participation for a screen reader user. It works directly with your screen reader of choice or you can use Windows’ SAPI speech interface. It relies on a collection of hotkeys much as your screen reader does and therefore can be used from anywhere. There is no need to switch to the window where it is running. It’s as close as you will get as a blind person to having a docked program on the screen like a sighted person might use for a similar purpose. It notifies you when new things come in and you then interact with it through the keyboard to read and respond to the posts. There are a lot of keystrokes to remember, but they are mostly tied by pneumonic to functions you’d expect. It can do just about anything with Twitter that you can do on the web site. The only exception I found was changing basic account information, which I suspect Twitter doesn’t provide API calls to do.

I would be remiss if I didn’t give credit to Rick Harmon of the Blind Geek Zone for turning me on to this program. Check out his site for all kinds of info on all things technological as a blind user.

All that is just to say we are blessed to be living here and now. I don’t know what the future holds. In fact if things go the way I think they might, a statement like that may not be so easy to make in a few years. That is unless Jesus’ return is immanent, which seems very likely though we cannot know for certain. For now, appreciate what you have. Find ways to share with those around you. This is a pretty amazing place, but nothing compared to that which awaits those who trust in Jesus. If you don’t yet have Jesus, all the cool toys aren’t going to be worth anything in the end. I’d be thrilled to talk to you more on that subject if you are interested.

Don’t Hurt Yourself

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We’ve all heard that, or something like it. It probably came from your mom as she watched you swinging from that tree or flying down the street on your bike with your hands proudly waving in the air. Maybe she demanded that you stop immediately. Sometimes parents can be a little too protective, but we grow to understand the motivation. When you got older, the messages may have become more complex, but the underlying meaning was still the same. “Don’t eat too much candy.” “Don’t forget your homework.” “Be home before midnight.” “Stay away from that boy/girl.” Our parents did what they could to help us grow up to be whole and well-adjusted adults and to keep us from the many perils of life in this world until we made it there. Despite their best efforts, some of us don’t quite make it.

I suspect that only one child in the history of humanity accepted His parents’ rules without complaint. We don’t like rules. We don’t like anything that keeps us from having what we want when we want it. Often we rebel and do as we please anyway. When we were children, our parents responded to this rebellion with some form of punishment. In this case the consequence of our action is contrived, but with good reason. If we do not learn that our actions have consequences as children, we will learn it as adults and they will be much more severe. Examine our prison population if you need proof. A majority of the offenders there lacked strong discipline at home.

Why did our parents treat us this way? In most cases, they were not exercising power for its own sake. They did not take pleasure in causing us pain. They did what they did because they loved us. All of the rules, admonishments, lectures, and punishments were intended to shape and protect us. They were saying, “I love you. I want the best for you. Don’t hurt yourself.” Most of us figure that out at some point in our lives. We come to understand that love doesn’t require unrestrained indulgence.

This letter is written to all of us, but in particular to you who for whatever reason may have kept your distance from God or “religion.” Or, maybe you just aren’t comfortable with everything that’s in the Bible. For the purposes of this post I’m going to assume at least an acknowledgement that God exists and has a part in human affairs.

It is no mere accident of language that God defines Himself as our Father. He gives us children so that we can understand that aspect of His love for us. He sets boundaries for us and gives us instruction to protect and nurture us because He loves us. If you’ve ever read the first few books of the Bible, you saw a whole lot of rules. They are there to help us understand our relationship to a holy God and our abject need for His redemption, but many of them also served to protect His people. In an era when no one could have known about the unseen pathogens that spread sickness and disease, God provided detailed instructions regarding clean and unclean that kept the people as safe as possible. All of the rules were motivated by love.

Though Jesus has made a new and better way (Rom 5:8-9) and we know that salvation cannot be earned (Eph. 2:8,) He has given us instructions that are for our own good. The ultimate tragedy is to refuse the gift that Jesus offers in Himself. Miss that and nothing else really matters. Yet it remains true that following the principles of living that He laid out for us in the Bible will keep us from much harm. This is the ache that is in my heart when I see people making poor choices. When we share the Gospel message, one of the verses commonly referenced is Romans 6:23, which says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” We speak of the final damnation in Hell, but one need not look so far to see the truth in this passage. Most of us will experience the consequences of our sin while we yet live on this earth. This is often true even after we have repented and been forgiven. We may be spared the ultimate consequence, but some things are going to happen just that’s because the way things work. Unless God in his mercy intervenes, we will not be spared earthly repercussions.

Oh loved ones, I wish I could call you by name, but that would not be appropriate here. Choose life! Enough suffering comes to us just because we live in a fallen world. Please do not add to your misery by choosing short term pleasures that will bring you long term pain. Study God’s word and live by it. He makes no promise of freedom from suffering in this life. In fact if you are truly devoted you may find that too brings you grief, but the reward is eternal! Do not turn away from the One who loves you with everything He has. I would see you truly live and not die. In my own poor way I love you, but His love will never fail.

Blind Ambition, Fast Cars, and Walking on Water

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I used to go all over the place on my own when I was younger. In recent years having settled down in one place, made friends, gotten older, and gotten married, I increasingly rely on others to get me where I need to go. This is a wonderful blessing, but it has been bothering me a little lately. I have begun to feel a little trapped. I find myself resentful of the limitations others have seemingly placed on me. The truth is they’ve done nothing but help me. If I feel confined, it is my own fault. I’m forgetting how to manage on my own, and I can’t afford to let that happen. One never knows what the future will hold. I’m grateful for the life I have now, but circumstances change. People move away, get sick, or just don’t’ have time anymore. I need the exercise both physically and mentally of getting out and doing things for myself.

Thus it was that I began my little misadventure yesterday. It doesn’t feel right to label the experience that way. Overall I enjoyed it. I did make my destination and had a great time while there. It was just the traveling that didn’t go so well.

My destination was the Plano chapter of Blind Ambitions Groups. It’s a local support group that meets once a month in various locations around the Dallas area. My wife and I attended the Dallas meeting one time and found out about the Plano group, which we also made just one time. Things never seemed to work out for us to go back. I had looked into going by myself before, but using the DART (local bus service) site to plot the route made it look more difficult to get to than going to the Dallas meeting that is much further away.

I don’t remember what made me try it on Google Maps. It might have been simply the discovery that the service is better than DART’s own for plotting a trip by public transit. I should note that at last check the site had accessibility issues. They have a more accessible version, but it seemed to lack the most helpful features. It could be I didn’t spend enough time looking. I just fall back on ZoomText and use the regular site. Recently they have even included walking directions so that you know how to travel between the bus or train stop and your destination. This was my first time to try them out. I’ll tell more on that shortly.

The trip started out well enough. I got on the same bus to the train station that I take when I go down town for work. The driver saw my white cane and wanted to be sure I knew I didn’t have to pay the full fair. I almost always pay full fair. It is partly because I have never taken the time to go get the ID card that would officially qualify me, and partly because I have never liked to take handouts I don’t really need. It is a reasonable argument that whatever I think about subsidies they do exist and my taxes are paying for them, but it just never feels right. For the same reason I have not tried to get myself onto the paratransit service, for which my qualification is questionable based on my proximity to a bus line.

Things started to go south when I made it to the train station. Literally, I took the south bound train instead of the north bound train I needed to be on. Don’t ask me why. There is no confusion as to where to get on each train, so I can only blame myself for that one. I realized my error as the doors closed behind me and the train pulled away from the station. I had to get off at the next stop and wait for the one going back north, costing me a valuable ten minutes or more. The north bound train was standing room only and the operator did not announce the stops as they are supposed to do when no automated system is in place. Maybe he or she wasn’t aware that the system wasn’t working. I made it to the down town Plano stop without further incident, asking my fellow passengers for help.

Then I needed to get from the station to the church where the meeting was held. That should be no problem, right? I have my trusty Google Maps walking directions. The trouble is that they were a little misleading. They may have been technically accurate, but they left me the impression that one street would curve and become another when in fact what confronted me looked like a standard intersection. Maybe J Avenue ended at a right angle there, but I was confused. In an instant my internal map was shredded and I didn’t know where to go. I knew the general lay of the land and thought I knew where some of the major streets were, but I could not find most of the signs using my monocular. After a bit of wandering around and a conversation with a friendly apartment dweller, I made my way to 15th street where the church is located and got to the meeting about thirty minutes late.

I thoroughly enjoyed the meeting. Amazingly or maybe not so amazingly listening to how the order process kept being interrupted by random conversation, the planned meal had not been ordered yet. It was a very small group, but I like that. The larger the group the more isolated I feel. I made new friends and got to know another one a little better.

When the meeting was over, I had to get back home. I had no problem getting back to the train station. I got an earlier train than the one I planned for, so when I got off I thought I could walk the approximately two miles from the train station to my house before the next bus would get me there.

I suppose I might have learned from the first experience that relying on what Google told me might not be the best idea, especially since it was starting to get dark. No, how hard can it be? All I had to do was make it down to Arapaho and go over to Custer. Yes, there is a major highway between me and my destination, but I’ve handled that before. I didn’t foresee any major difficulty in doing it last night.

Maybe in the full light of day I might have seen a better way to get across the on and off ramps to Central Expressway and continue my journey home, but what happened instead is that I made it under the bridge and then realized that I was in a very bad position. There is a large area of concrete off the road where I was standing, but in the failing light it was hard to be certain that I wasn’t in the road. Between me and safety was the off ramp to the highway and anyone making that turn would not have been able to see me and stop before hitting me. I could not see around the concrete wall to attempt crossing the exit before a car would come flying down the ramp. Getting into that situation wasn’t easy, and when I went back to see if I could retrace my steps to the bus station I realized I was in no better position on the other side.

After a couple of unnerving false starts, I saw that I was in trouble. I just stood there looking around and hoping some kind soul would rescue me. I started holding my cane up over my head, but I was not in a good place for anyone to stop if they were of a mind to. They probably thought I was begging. I finally managed to swallow my pride, and not knowing what else to do, I called 911. I might have called my wife or other friends in the area, but I didn’t know if I could tell them how to safely get to me. So it was that I finish my trek in a police car. At least I wasn’t in the back. Thank you Sergeant Holly. I don’t think I’ll be trying that again.

To cap off this fine evening and explain what walking on water has to do with anything, I entered my house to find that our water heater began leaking while I was out. Linda had everything in hand, and I was just glad to be safely home. My first thought was to rejoice, because the One who really walks on water has reached out His hand and pulled us up. I’m ready for next time, but I think I’ll wait for the bus.

Considering Good, Evil, and Our Future

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The text that follows came from my journal this morning. I think I have mentioned before that I write it to God. For that reason I’ve taken to calling it a prayer journal, and I suppose it is in that I write it to the Lord, but is had more the feel of a diary than a prayer journal as people familiar with the practice would think of it.

Yesterday I attended two events. The first was a DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit) ADA community meeting. The second was a presentation set up by some local Richardson residents to explain why the upcoming bond package for the city is a bad idea. The DART meeting was informative but also disappointing even if it was exactly what I expected. A large portion of the meeting consisted of people with complaints about a service for which they carry roughly 6% of the cost. I suspect if all factors were considered it would be less than that. I do understand their frustration. I have experienced it myself. I’ve written about one of my experiences here recently. They are legion. Nevertheless, it is not reasonable that we should expect to be given more than we can afford. Maybe we would have a better service if they had any real incentive to make it work for us. As it is they are most beholden to those who supply the money.

The second meeting had more to do with what I felt this morning. I’m not going to get into the details here. I will be going over my recording of the session and producing a detailed account of that in a separate post. The irresponsibility, foolishness, and outright corruption in our federal government is no secret to anyone willing to see it. State governments seem to be no better, though Texas is possibly doing better than anyone else. I can’t help thinking that our infrequent legislative sessions might have something to do with that. Not a day goes by that you can’t find something on the news about local shenanigans around the state and the country, but I still liked to think the corrupting influence was somehow not as strong at that level. Last night forever put that notion to rest. In fact, Richardson appears to be one of the most poorly managed cities in the state, at least in the case of financial matters. Though the meeting was not about personalities and the speakers were not locals, I was strongly influenced by what was presented to believe some of the less savory stories about local officials that I have been reading on the Internet for the last couple of years. That’s why I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk and wrote the following journal entry.

I just wanted to vegetate this morning. Yesterday was tiring. It left me feeling something I can’t quite describe but am not unfamiliar with. It’s an ugly combination of sadness and dread with a little hopelessness mixed in. You are the only one who can save us, but You will not do so if we refuse to be saved. It seems we may do just that. I like to think that most people, even though admittedly selfishly motivated, will try to do what is right. We all start out evil, but most of us want to be good, at least as long as it makes us feel good. Is that really true, or is such thinking a product of my own upbringing. Watching children gives the lie to it. If we want to be good, one can argue it is the prompting of Your Holy Spirit and maybe something to do with the fact that we were made for You. One can also argue as many would that such a desire is learned and does not naturally exist. I think there is truth in both points of view. I also know what Your word says. Left to ourselves we will pursue evil. Whether or not we acknowledge You, we will have functional societies only to the degree that we choose to live as You intended.

I should not be so surprised then when I find so many have compromised. I have done so in the past. Even now I constantly examine my actions and motivations suspecting I will not like what I discover. I also recognize some fear. If there are so few who govern faithfully, what hope can we have for a future? It is in times like this that I must look beyond the temporal to the eternal. Whatever course my earthly life may take, I can look forward to a life with You! There is no hardship to compare with the joy of that day when I will be with You. I will not be afraid of the phantom possibilities hiding in the shadows of capitol domes. I will fight to keep them from becoming substantial, but should evil prevail, it will be only for a season.

We have not yet known the kind of persecution and affliction common to much of the world. I think it likely that we will have to see it before we turn back to You. I pray that it is not so, and I ask You once again to show me more specifically what I should be doing. If this is the beginning of the end, I dread the suffering to come, but I delight in Your return. Lord, come quickly!

Love Revealed

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I sought for love. It poured upon me like rain, but I did not know it. I read The Book. I searched the words of love’s author, but I did not understand them. I toiled for love. I thought to make myself worthy, but it would not yield to my striving. I searched within. I would find something to sell for it, but it cannot be bought.

What cannot be given unless first received yet cannot be received unless first given? What can be shared only if already held by more than one? What is infinitely complex yet childishly simple? This is the mysterious gift that we call love.

Oh Love, why do You dwell silently beyond the reach of man? His heart yearns for You even though he may not know it. He was maid by You and for You. He cannot live without You. You are here, but how can we see You? You made for us a way, but how do we find You?

I sought for love. In a desert of my own making, I looked to the sky, and allowed a single drop to pass through my parched lips. I read The Book. In a valley of despair the truth began to refresh a dying spirit. Love moved me. I could not be worthy, and yet it came to me. I searched within. I found a gift I knew not of. I knew that I could give it away and yet keep it.

What is the form of a thing without shape? How can a thing be shown that cannot be seen? Can glorious purpose be fulfilled by a mere lump of clay? Such did He decree, and such did He become.

Oh Love, You came, and lived within the reach of Man. You yearned for us, and showed Yourself that we might know it. We were made by You and for each other. You are here in these tents of flesh. Your Spirit shows the way.

Every cord that binds us together is an expression of Your love. It is in the doting father, the trusting child, the bond of friends. Some of these things I know. Some I may not know on the earth, but I have no lack. For you have given me a lover, so that I may see how I love You and how You love me.

Exquisite hands move over my skin. I am caught and I never want to get away. I melt into the embrace. Long fingers are laced with mine on the table, and I begin to see. There is no greater love than this, except that love which made it. My beloved will always be beautiful to me, for the love we share is eternal.

I Wanted to Write a Song

The Lion's Roar Posted on by

I did always want to write a song, but I’ve never taken the time to learn how to put the music in my head into notes on a page. I wrote this twelve years ago and people seemed to like it, but looking back at it now I’m almost ashamed to republish it. I used to think it was one of my best. I would call it a “poetic” testimony to God’s work in my life up to that point. It comforts me even now, reminding me that however low I feel at the moment God is not finished with me yet. So, I’ll go ahead and share it again.

I Wanted to Write a Song

I wanted to write a song.
A song of joy, peace, and security
I would sing of my Jesus.
Jesus loves me. This I know
for my daddy tells me so.

I wanted to write a song.
I sing of a time of questions.
I sing of a time of rebellion.
The song has many verses.
The song goes on and on.
A hated tune that sticks in the head and eats away like cancer:
Jesus loves me. Does He still?
Even if I shun His will?

I wanted to write a song.
A song of faith and sincere worship
I sing a song of hope.
I sing of love and duty.
I let the questions go.
Jesus loves me. This I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me if I pray
And serve Him each and every day.

I wanted to write a song.
A grand symphony!
Full of confidence and pride
Yet I write between the lines, a secret melody.
I see the cracks in your facade.
Are you really serving God?
Jesus loves me. Can’t you tell?
Because I serve Him very well

I wanted to write a song.
I scream in confusion and frustration.
I weep in loneliness and despair.
I asked my love, “why did you deceive me?”
I asked my God, “Why did you leave me?”
I asked myself, “Why did you fail me?”
Rage! Bottled up and released in explosions!
Released in private places where no one would see.
Jesus loves me. Do I know?
Is the Bible true, or no?

I wanted to write a song.
A tiny seed my daddy planted
Mercy that my God has granted
Its growth is slow
The pruning painful
Repentance is the early fruit.
Hope and faith bloom once again.
His love, it is my life.
A love I know I did not earn.
Its measure I cannot return.
Without it I’ve no wish to live.
With it I’m compelled to give.

I want to write a song.
Jesus loves me. This I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me. This I know.
In my heart, He tells me so.
Jesus loves you and I pray
That I will show you every day

I wanted to write a song.
I have no strength.
I wanted to write a song,
But my words were simplistic and inadequate.
I wanted to write a song
But You changed the words.
You held my hand.
You wrote upon my life.
You wanted to write the song,
And it will reach the heavens.
It will be beautiful.
It will glorify your name.
For you love me and you are God.
You love the world, and I will become an expression of yourself.
My God, do not allow me to take back the pen.
I will only write the old verses again.

I wanted to write a song…

© 1998 by Larry Thacker Jr.