I found out at the end of March.  I had been told it was probably coming, but that was the day it actually happened.  For many news like that would have been devastating, but not for me.  I never thought of myself as a computer programmer.  I’m reasonably good at it, and there was a time when I enjoyed it.  In my younger days I did have something to prove, mostly to myself.  I needed to know that I could compete on the same level as my sighted peers.  I did that and gained a level of respect from my coworkers.

But it was never about the job for its own sake.  It was a means to make a living.  It has been a good living and I’m grateful for it, but ultimately it was unsatisfying.  That didn’t come as a surprise to me.  It was always supposed to be a means to an end, though I did not achieve the original goal.  That was to save, invest, and set up an income that would allow me to pursue more rewarding work in the future.

It seems the future has arrived, but true to the theme of my life, “this isn’t what I expected.”  Things changed for me over the years, as they tend to do.  God led us to Bartimaeus Baptist Temple where I became associate pastor in 2010.  After the unexpected passing of our beloved senior pastor in 2018, I accepted the position.  We still miss him.  This is not a position I expected to assume so soon if at all.  I had much to learn from him about relating to people the way a pastor should.

Now the calling on my life since I was a child has been made manifest.  I pastor a church.  I’ve often cautioned people about having their identity wrapped up in their occupation.  I now must guard against the same.  My identity is as a child of God.  However, this is also the thing God made me to do, so having some level of identity with it doesn’t seem all bad.  This is who I am.  It is who I was always meant to be.

It still doesn’t provide a living.  Though the terms of my dismissal from my former employer have given me some freedom to explore my options, I’m going to have to find paying work at least by this time next year.  I’m mulling some ideas, with a last resort being to go back to my old profession.  I am trusting that Yahweh will show me a path that meets our needs as well as those of the church.  It’s possible He has something completely different in mind than what I think.  After all, “this isn’t what I expected.”  I choose to trust Him.  That isn’t going to change.