The text that follows came from my journal this morning. I think I have mentioned before that I write it to God. For that reason I’ve taken to calling it a prayer journal, and I suppose it is in that I write it to the Lord, but is had more the feel of a diary than a prayer journal as people familiar with the practice would think of it.

Yesterday I attended two events. The first was a DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit) ADA community meeting. The second was a presentation set up by some local Richardson residents to explain why the upcoming bond package for the city is a bad idea. The DART meeting was informative but also disappointing even if it was exactly what I expected. A large portion of the meeting consisted of people with complaints about a service for which they carry roughly 6% of the cost. I suspect if all factors were considered it would be less than that. I do understand their frustration. I have experienced it myself. I’ve written about one of my experiences here recently. They are legion. Nevertheless, it is not reasonable that we should expect to be given more than we can afford. Maybe we would have a better service if they had any real incentive to make it work for us. As it is they are most beholden to those who supply the money.

The second meeting had more to do with what I felt this morning. I’m not going to get into the details here. I will be going over my recording of the session and producing a detailed account of that in a separate post. The irresponsibility, foolishness, and outright corruption in our federal government is no secret to anyone willing to see it. State governments seem to be no better, though Texas is possibly doing better than anyone else. I can’t help thinking that our infrequent legislative sessions might have something to do with that. Not a day goes by that you can’t find something on the news about local shenanigans around the state and the country, but I still liked to think the corrupting influence was somehow not as strong at that level. Last night forever put that notion to rest. In fact, Richardson appears to be one of the most poorly managed cities in the state, at least in the case of financial matters. Though the meeting was not about personalities and the speakers were not locals, I was strongly influenced by what was presented to believe some of the less savory stories about local officials that I have been reading on the Internet for the last couple of years. That’s why I woke up this morning in a bit of a funk and wrote the following journal entry.

I just wanted to vegetate this morning. Yesterday was tiring. It left me feeling something I can’t quite describe but am not unfamiliar with. It’s an ugly combination of sadness and dread with a little hopelessness mixed in. You are the only one who can save us, but You will not do so if we refuse to be saved. It seems we may do just that. I like to think that most people, even though admittedly selfishly motivated, will try to do what is right. We all start out evil, but most of us want to be good, at least as long as it makes us feel good. Is that really true, or is such thinking a product of my own upbringing. Watching children gives the lie to it. If we want to be good, one can argue it is the prompting of Your Holy Spirit and maybe something to do with the fact that we were made for You. One can also argue as many would that such a desire is learned and does not naturally exist. I think there is truth in both points of view. I also know what Your word says. Left to ourselves we will pursue evil. Whether or not we acknowledge You, we will have functional societies only to the degree that we choose to live as You intended.

I should not be so surprised then when I find so many have compromised. I have done so in the past. Even now I constantly examine my actions and motivations suspecting I will not like what I discover. I also recognize some fear. If there are so few who govern faithfully, what hope can we have for a future? It is in times like this that I must look beyond the temporal to the eternal. Whatever course my earthly life may take, I can look forward to a life with You! There is no hardship to compare with the joy of that day when I will be with You. I will not be afraid of the phantom possibilities hiding in the shadows of capitol domes. I will fight to keep them from becoming substantial, but should evil prevail, it will be only for a season.

We have not yet known the kind of persecution and affliction common to much of the world. I think it likely that we will have to see it before we turn back to You. I pray that it is not so, and I ask You once again to show me more specifically what I should be doing. If this is the beginning of the end, I dread the suffering to come, but I delight in Your return. Lord, come quickly!