Fakeup

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I’m probably about to get myself in real hot water here, but I’m going to do it anyway. I like to think that my blindness gives me insight into this topic, but maybe it just makes me look foolish. I guess I’ll find out.

I’ve never been able to understand why most women and many men are so obsessed with the way they look. Oh I understand that most men are visually stimulated and women want to look good for them. I also understand that men generally appreciate this, but when is it enough? I may be unable to see the details of someone’s appearance, but I am not blind to the reality that appearance does say something about us. I think that what it says may be open to interpretation. There’s also a difference between looking presentable and trying to change one’s God given characteristics. Why are so many people unhappy with the way God made them? It is as if they are saying, “God, You messed up and I’m going to fix it.” If they have enough money, they actually alter their bodies. The rest must be content to change their apparent hair or eye color.

I find myself wondering if people who do this are not expressing in physical ways an inner dissatisfaction with who they are. In a culture that places so much emphasis on looks, it becomes a temptation to use appearance to project the image of the person they want to be. I find it saddening. One only needs to turn on the TV to see evil dressed up to look very pretty. If we spent as much time working on what’s inside as we do on the shell, I believe we would be far less concerned with a few marks on it or what color it is.

Why are we so concerned with the appearance of age? That older women seem to be on a constant quest to hide their age makes little sense to me, but as a man it probably never will. I see all the hair loss commercials for men and think how nice it would be not to have to deal with hair anymore. I find the latest trend amusing. I am now seeing commercials aimed at men who think they look too young! Now we need a touch of gray so we can look like we’re experienced. The best thing I can say about that is I’m glad for the passing nod to the wisdom and experience that should come with age. Maybe that’s a side effect of our aging population. It’s still meaningless. The fact that someone has experience doesn’t necessarily mean he learned from it. Only time and exposure can reveal the true character of a person.

Changing how we look is just another way we try to fool the world. We have other ways. It comes out in what we choose to say and do. It comes out in who we are willing to associate with. I’m no different. I see little value in changing my appearance, but I recognize other aspects of my life that are tailored to one degree or another to present the image I want the world to see. I’m probably not conscious of my worst offenses, as is often the case for all of us. What I’m doing here is just to provoke a little thought.

Age and Death

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I’ve got some family who may be reading this for whom it may open wounds not well healed. These are hard questions without good answers. I strive for encouragement and hope, but you may want to pass on this entry for now.

I have not received word yet, but it is likely that we lost another member of our church or that it will happen soon. As a Christian with reason to believe that he also has been a follower of Jesus, I will not be heartbroken by the news, but I cannot be at peace. I do not know him well, but I know that he already struggled with a will to live. His health was failing. He lacked a sense of purpose. It had been my prayer for him that he would find it, believing that everyone has a God given mission regardless of age or ability. It saddens me to think that he has left this earth without regaining that sense of purpose. I know that at his destination will be all that he needs, but I can’t help feeling that something here was left undone. I know that God is sovereign. I know that He knew and planned for all of this from the beginning. I also know that he gave us the will to choose and thus the ability to choose wrongly. I wonder if there’s anything we might have done to give this story a happier ending.

This is the latest in a string of passings Linda and I have seen over the past few years. We have lost both of her parents, my granddaddy, on my dad’s side, Grandma on Mom’s side, friends, relatives of friends, and church members. As each approached I never knew how to pray. In some cases there was suffering. It would seem that death would be merciful, yet is that not the argument of those with no respect for life? Is not life always precious? Only God can give life and only He has the right to take it away. I know that better life awaits Christians when they leave here. For them it is not a taking away, but an entry into true life. Knowing that, it is still not our place to choose the time.

I confess that I have prayed for the suffering to end. We are not promised eternal life in our earthly bodies, nor would we want it. They wear out. In this fallen world, death is a reality. It makes me long for Jesus’ return. He will put an end to death, suffering, and evil. I take comfort in this, and in knowing that those I love are in love with Jesus. I’ll see the ones who have left some day, and they’re enjoying the wait much more than I am.

When God Insists

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I’ll start with a confession. My name is Larry and I’m a feedoholic…RSS feeds that is. Each day I have an hour set aside that is supposed to be devotional, but the first two things I open on my computer are Outlook and Firefox. God is gracious anyway, and that fits loosely into my topic this morning. Recently I discovered that Bible Gateway now provides several reading plans with RSS feeds. That’s perfect! I chose the chronological plan and put it at the top of my feed list.

This morning I read about the calling of Moses in Exodus Chapter 4. I’m not going to retell the story, so it might be helpful to read it now. Moses seems to have been one of the least willing people that God has called, despite his evident passion for the plight of his people, illustrated by his killing of the Egyptian. God keeps answering Moses’ objections until he finally asks outright to send someone else. God intends for Moses to do this, even though Moses doesn’t want to. God gives him everything he needs, including another person to be his spokesman. What intrigues me about this story is that God wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. I suppose Moses could have utterly refused, but I’m not sure he would have lived to tell about it. As it was he made God angry, yet God did not rescind his calling.

I believe we have the freedom to choose. Otherwise, the Bible’s admonitions to choose life and righteousness mean nothing. However, there seem to be times when God has chosen certain people for certain tasks and will not be refused. Other people who come to mind are Jonah and Paul. I am encouraged by Moses’ story. I have come to be uncertain of my own calling, and I definitely have my own set of reasons why it can’t possibly be what I think I’ve been told. I would like to think that I would not be so full of fear and doubt if God’s miraculous power were displayed before my eyes and on my very person, but God knows my heart and might well disagree. The encouragement I take from this story is that whatever my own failures or objections may be, if He wills it, He will make it happen. I do hope that I can avoid provoking His anger. He is worthy of all my love, trust, and obedience.

To All My Parental Friends

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Ok, let me tackle the first question head on. What business does a guy with no kids have saying anything about parenting? Not much, but I had the benefit of two very wise and wonderful parents of my own. I would like to share a few things I learned from them in hopes that it will help some of you down the road.

I’m not aware of anyone in my current circle of friends who is raising a child with “special needs,” but I know lots of people with imperfect kids. That would be all of you, since presumably your children are human. I don’t see so well. My parents could have focused on what I can’t do. I’ve seen it in people I know. I could have been brought up helpless, and that’s what I would have been. I know full grown adults who function as if they were mentally handicapped for no other reason than that they were raised as if they were. My parents didn’t’ treat me that way. They never put my blindness in front of me as an obstacle. Whatever I wanted to try, they let me try it, despite the apprehension it must have caused them. I’m not saying they were irresponsible, but they recognized the importance of allowing me to find my own limits. I know they watched from afar more often than I was aware of it. My first bicycle must have been hard enough. I don’t know how Dad managed to help me buy the Moped.

Because of this, I did not learn to say “I can’t.” When situations presented themselves that would normally call for good eyes, my response was, “I can do it another way.” That got harder later in life as the problems became more complex, but it’s still the way I think. Don’t focus on what can’t be done. Focus on what can. I hope that you don’t have to face raising a handicapped child, but don’t handicap him further by presuming to know his limits.

I’m not sure of the best way to share the rest of this story. For a number of reasons, I don’t like to talk about this part of my life much. I want to share it because I want to honor my parents and to hold them up as an example to others. I’ll tell the story because I know of no better way to illustrate the point. Forgive me if I still remain a little vague. I don’t want to say things that don’t need to be said.

A few of you know that I was married before. My web site bio goes into that a little more deeply, but since that’s not pivotal to this account I’ll leave you to read it if you want to. The point I want to make here is that Mom and Dad saw the disaster coming before it arrived. There were some rather obvious signs, but I could not see them. There’s more than one way to be blind. Believing I had to, I left my summer missions trip and flew home to get married. I asked my dad to do the ceremony. He was against the marriage, but I never knew it. I can certainly understand the argument that he shouldn’t’ have done it. After all, should we assist someone in something we believe is wrong or will hurt them? First of all, he could only suspect. Only God knew for certain. Second, there is no way I would have listened. We would have done it anyway. He knew that. He chose to preserve our relationship. It has to rank among the hardest things he ever did. I’m so proud of him for that decision. In the end his concerns were justified. Because we still had a relationship, I was able to call out for help when the worst happened, and he came to my rescue.

This does not apply so much to children not old enough to make their own decisions, but there comes a time when being right isn’t’ worth the price. If you are right, keep the door open for restoration when the time comes. I’m not saying we should never confront bad choices. Though I don’t think there is anything my parents could have said to convince me that I was making a mistake, I sure wish they had been able to, even though I learned a lot from it. Each situation is unique and requires a lot of thought and prayer. I don’t know that outright sin should ever go un-confronted, but I also know how valuable that relationship is. Each person must answer to God and his own conscience. I’m just so thankful that my parents made the wise choices throughout my life, and I want to publicly honor them for that. I hope that inspires other parents I know to seek God for the same wisdom.

Is Palestinian Culture Irredeemable?

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One cannot watch the news of late and be unaware of the civilian casualties resulting from Israel’s counterattack against Hamas in Gaza. We don’t see so many pictures of the devastation caused by rockets launched into Israel by Hamas. Israel continues to do what it can to minimize Palestinian civilian deaths by sending out warnings before it strikes. Israel continues to act in good faith while Hamas has never honored an agreement. I’m asking why Israel should be so careful. I suppose it has to be with its position among its Arab enemies so precarious and its allies so fickle, but I think it’s just possible that the entire Palestinian culture is so evil that it does not deserve to survive. Its children are taught violence and hatred. When given a chance to choose its leaders, it chose terrorists. Such a thing would not be without precedent. When God sent the Israelites into the land the first time, He commanded them to kill everything breathing (Deut 20:16-18.) This was the judgment of a just God on a wicked people (Deut 9:5.) Israel might well be justified in wiping out the entire population, but to do so would almost certainly bring about its own destruction.

Post Holiday Update

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Since a few of my friends and family know what we’ve been up to over the last month, I thought now would be a good time for an update. Again I am hesitant to write too much detail because I don’t want to offend or betray a confidence, so please forgive me if this comes across a little vague at times.

The first indication that this was not to be an ordinary holiday season was my kind hearted wife informing me that she had invited a guest to come along with us for our Christmas visit to my grandmother. Admittedly I wasn’t happy about this, knowing that Grandmamma would prefer Christmas to be a family affair. Nevertheless, not willing to rescind the offer and personally liking the idea of reaching out to others in the true spirit of a birthday celebration for Jesus, I gently broke the news to Grandmamma and was granted permission to bring our guest along.

I must interject here that Grandmamma is one of the most giving people I know and has reached out to others throughout her life. I love and respect her and do not want her to be perceived as anything less than the wonderful person that she is.

A short time later, my beloved learned that another member of our church would have no place to be, and before I knew it we had gained a second passenger for our trip. I wasn’t sure how to deal with this development, but again couldn’t gracefully back out. Linda was acting in the love and compassion that I talk about, but I was just trying to figure out how to resolve an uncomfortable situation.

Enter number three, and this one sleeps on our sofa. I confess I wasn’t in any kind of Christmas spirit. I like to say that the Christmas spirit has horns. Mine certainly did. Through no choice of my own I now had a problem with no good solution. I’ve written about doing the “right thing.” That’s extremely important to me, though as you know if you read my post I question my motives for it. In this case I had no clear choice. I could either pack them all into our minivan and impose three unexpected guests on Grandmamma, or I could break my promise to her to come for Christmas and stay home. Not being prepared to incur the hotel expenses of bringing everyone along, I opted to stay home.

Despite my reluctance, I’m glad we were able to do what we did. I think this is the first time in my life I really gave Jesus a present on the day we celebrate His birthday. It was a wonderful day. I hope we can do similar things in the years to come.

Presumably, our homeless houseguest is still with us, though it remains to be seen whether she will return after leaving us a few days ago. We have come to the conclusion that she needs help from more capable hands than ours, and we have made an effort to find those hands for her. What she does remains her choice, but we have set a date by which she must make a decision. Though I am less certain than my beloved about what needs to happen, due to circumstances I don’t feel free to mention here, we will not be able to help her much longer. Pray for her and for us.

This season has caused me to take a hard look at myself. Granted, it doesn’t’ take much to get me to do that. I’m pretty hard on myself. As usual, I’m not happy with what I see, but I think there’s a degree to which that is a good thing. If Jesus is our standard, we always fall short and should not be content with ourselves. What I need to learn is to trust that He loves me regardless of my shortcomings. I am truly amazed at the mercy He has shown me. I’ve missed His best countless times, yet he is making something good of all my error. That He is willing even now to bring me to a place of joy and fulfillment seems too good to be true. He seems to be doing just that, and I am moved beyond my ability to express. So, I thank Him for this difficult but rewarding season and hope that I have learned a little something from it.

New Year’s Resolution

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If you’ve been following my writing, you might have guessed that I don’t have much use for special days. Someone somewhere marked this day as the beginning of the new year by virtue of creating a calendar vary loosely based around the birth of Jesus. That is really a testament to the effect of Christianity on the world, but that’s another topic for another day. We have big parties, count down to the changing of the clock, and all make our resolutions. I suppose if you need to make a change and it feels special to make it on this day then by all means take advantage of anything that helps, but why wait for this particular day, set by someone dead for more than a millennium and not all that accurate in the first place?

We rev up our emotions and set high expectations for this arbitrary point in time. What happens when it doesn’t feel so special? Whatever the problem is, it is now magnified by the dashed hope for the day. New Year’s Day is just another day. Resolve to use it to the fullest, and do the same with the other 364.25.

The Right Thing

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I hesitate to put it this way, but I think the truth is I take pride in choosing to do “the right thing” most of the time. There I’ve already set myself up for a fall (Prov 16:18,) but I’ve been asking myself a question lately that cuts to the heart of the matter. Why? First of all, my life would have taken an entirely different path if I really had always chosen the right thing. I thank God that he is redeeming even my mistakes, but the fact remains. I can be rather adamant about doing “the right thing.” If I think I know what it is, I won’t easily compromise. I wish I could put that more strongly but honesty compels me to recognize that there are times when I have compromised. Why is it that I am usually so determined? Is it love for God? Is it fear of punishment? Is it driven by a need to see myself as worthy? Is it pure pragmatism, having seen the misery that lies at the end of all other paths? This season has forced me to take a hard look at who I am, and I don’t like what I see. I find myself wondering what others see, and how many of you I owe abject apologies for my lack of compassion and understanding. Yet I cannot say that I have changed. I know that it is not possible without the work of the Holy Spirit within me. I know that this is part of the process. Please forgive me. Maybe someday I’ll learn what the right thing really is.

Moments of Truth

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I hesitate to write this, because the players in the drama may read it, and I don’t want to give offense. That sounds like good enough reason not to write it, but I also think it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have things out in the open that I lack the courage to say in person. Another reason I question whether I should write this in a public forum is that if indeed we are doing good I do not want to glorify us. God gets the glory. However, as you will soon see if anyone this side of Heaven deserves glory it isn’t me. I guess it’s ok if I make my wife look good. J

About two weeks ago, we took in a woman who has no place to live. Linda had met her once before a couple of years ago, but her circumstances have changed since that first meeting. I don’t think it would be right to divulge any details here, and I question how many of those details we really know. The short version is that before I knew it we were committed to have her live with us for an indeterminate period of time to help her get what she needs. At first I was angry. We hadn’t talked about it before the offer was made, and now I had someone I didn’t know or have any reason to trust staying in my home. I got past that. I can hardly fault my beloved wife for having a compassionate reaction to the situation. Knowing that the alternative was for the woman to be out in the freezing weather, how could I refuse? Since then I have had my own compassionate moments, but over all I am still on high alert. Maybe it’s the lessons I learned from my first marriage, or maybe it’s just plain ugly selfishness, but I fear we have gotten ourselves into a situation far beyond our experience and means.

This has caused me to take a hard look at myself. Some of you may have read my Christmas blog entry. I preached a variation on it last Sunday. Is my heart where my mouth is? Where is my love and compassion? I think I have to admit that for all my talk most of the time all I really want is for my normal, safe life to continue on the same as it was before. It’s fine to talk about love and compassion, but it’s too messy when it knocks on your door. Yet here I am, and I pray that I am doing the right thing. I ask all who know us to pray for our beloved visitor and for us. Pray that the whole truth will be revealed and that His wisdom will become evident to all of us.

Right and Wrong

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I got an email this morning from Nathan Tabor, former owner of The Conservative Voice (tcv.com) now part of townhall.com.  It said “Merry Christmas,” and not recognizing the name I almost deleted it as spam.  I guess he kept the email addresses of the people who signed up to leave comments on the site.  In preparation for a book he is writing, he asked for feedback on the supposition that people believe it is easier to do wrong than to do right.  I decided to share my response with everyone.

Yes, it’s often easier to do wrong in the short run, but the long-term consequences are deadly. Even Jesus said, “ Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.” (Matt 7:13 NASU) The best things in life are not free (arguable exception below.) They require diligence, self denial, and commitment. We all too readily sacrifice the best pleasures in life in exchange for the temporary. What does this have to do with right and wrong? The right way leads to the long term satisfaction we’re all seeking. God’s way is the best way and yields the best rewards. The result of sin is death (Rom 6:23,) and the sad thing is, people often don’t recognize the miserable state their sin has put them in. Life on earth is not easy for any of us, but there are some things no one should have to experience. If we will choose to follow the truth of god’s word, it will spare us much heartache.