Prisoner Exchange

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Yesterday I went with my father to the Hutchins State Jail. He preaches at various state institutions around northeast Texas, and being in my area he asked that I go with him to sing. I didn’t go in yesterday with the best of attitudes. I did it to honor my father. He wanted me to go with him, so I agreed. I couldn’t really see how my singing added anything to the program. I worked to get it right, but what motivated me was primarily that I didn’t want to be shamed in front of my dad. I did not hold the prisoners in high regard. I did not love them. I didn’t feel that I needed their approval or appreciation. I approached them with suspicion and arrogance.

Despite all that was wrong with my attitude, I did want to please Yahweh. As the moment approached I asked His help to make my singing glorify Him. I wanted to do it for Him and not for myself. It was then that He brought to my mind all the people I have known whose lives were radically changed. I was reminded of Jesus’ words, “For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” (Luke 7:47 NASB) I think the real key there is for us all to realize how much we have been forgiven. For those who engage in flagrant sin, the evidence is more obvious, but we have all been forgiven much.

Suddenly I saw a room full of potential. I saw people loved by Yahweh who were or could be very aware of how much they had been forgiven. I saw a room full of real and potential dedicated servants who could leave that place and do more for God than thousands of pew sitting church regulars on the outside ever seriously consider. I walked up to the front of the stage with a renewed desire to bless those men with what little I could offer them. The track was Who am I by Casting Crowns. The refrain is as follows:

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who You are.

There aren’t many lyrics to the song, but I managed to miss a line in the second verse, being disconcerted by the enthusiastic response from the audience. I was filled with joy that it seemed to mean something to them. I delighted that I could share a blessing. I think of it as an insignificant contribution to their lives, but if I can use a cliché, I think I got a lot more in return. I got a renewed understanding of love, forgiveness and mercy. I left without my performance track. The chaplain and prisoners who lead the worship wanted to learn the song. I can buy a new CD. What Yahweh gave me in that simple prison chapel can’t be bought.

Seeking Vision

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In the last few years I have taken to writing in my journal in the form of prayers to Yahweh. This is what I wrote today. Because it relates to some things I have said here recently, I decided to share it.

I lost my work in the other program and I hate doing things over, but this is on my mind so I’ll try again. I’m thinking about my blindness today after finishing Joni’s last book. She thanked You for her wheelchair. I can’t honestly thank You for my blindness. Does that indicate a lack of trust in You? I keep thinking someday I’ll discover the one thing I’ve been missing and then You’ll heal me. I can at least know that You can bring good even from our mistakes, so even if I’m missing something, I can trust You to bring good from it.

Something rebels in me at the thought of thanking you for my Blindness. I guess Joni would say I should trust that You know what you’re doing and have faith that this is best. My faith healer friends would call that listening to the devil and say that I should have faith in the promises of scripture. I would point out that the scripture promises suffering too and ask why Paul would suggest to Timothy that he should use wine for his stomach ailments rather than that he should have enough faith to be healed.

I am left unconvinced that my blindness glorifies You in any way. Maybe I should trust that You will have glory from it and thank You from that faith, but I am not ready to believe that. I can’t let go of the idea that this is wrong and I should be healed. I confess to a little resentment even while recognizing how foolish that is. I owe You everything. I owe You my life and my gratitude. You have blessed me richly and I have no right to complain because You haven’t given me what I want. Because I can’t come to terms with the idea that this is ok and might even be Your will, I can’t bring myself to thank You for it. That would be an admission of defeat. That would be a relinquishment of hope. Maybe giving You this thing that I hold onto so tightly even though I don’t actually have it is exactly what You want.

It certainly isn’t what I want. I say I wouldn’t do anything evil to get it, but is not the fact that I want it whether it is Your will or not evil? I have this idea, however foolish it may be, that I could do anything and be anything if only I could see. I claim the errors of my youth stripped my arrogance from me, but is this thinking not proof that it is still there? I’m involved in a ministry to others with disabilities. Is it not pure Hypocrisy that I look at my own condition as standing in the way of who I could be and what I could accomplish? This alone may be sufficient cause for You to deny me healing.

What would I do if I had it? Would I follow Your way or mine? Would a sense of obligation to pay You back, (as if I didn’t already owe You everything) drive me to engage in a series of empty works? Would I go my own way and then be destroyed by the guilt born of that same sense of obligation? I know what I think about. I don’t think about all the things I could do for You. I think about all the things I could do for myself. I think about driving where I want to go. I think about reading what I want to read when and where I want to read it. Oh there would be lots of Christian books. <smile> I think about excelling ahead of my peers at work. There goes that arrogance again. I’m not You and don’t want the job, but if I were, I wouldn’t give it to me.

I still want it. I want it more than I should. If I thought it would work, I’d offer You some kind of bargain to get it. I second guess You and somehow think I know better. I think that after all You are God and whatever negative consequences might come from healing me You are big enough to override. In the end I’m willing to take my chances. I want it like Israel wanted that king. They too wanted to be like all the people around them. They too must have thought that the consequences would be worth it. They put their own desires ahead of You. That rebellious spirit eventually destroyed them. Is that where I’m headed? Am I determined that You should give me something that You do not want me to have; somehow thinking that will allow me to win all my battles?

What then of the message we are preaching that You have a purpose for everyone regardless of limitation. Do I really believe that? I confess that I look at some of the people I know and wonder how it could be. They are barely able to exist, much less do anything for You. Some lack even the mental capacity to engage in intercessory prayer. How can they glorify You? Is not Your healing power a better answer for them. Is it not a better answer for all of us?

I guess I may never get these answers while I am on the earth. All I can do is what I find in front of me. I choose to trust You. I will continue to pray, to read the Bible and seek the truth. I will be a blessing where I can and continue to encourage those around me with what little I do know. I will follow the path that You seem to have directed me to. You will have to do the rest.

Party On

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On Wednesday, I headed off to the TEA party protest in front of the Richardson City Hall.  It was not the organized and scripted affair that I experienced at the first event I attended in down town Dallas.  When I arrived, I found a good sized crowd of people standing along the sidewalk with signs and flags.  Someone handed me a flag.  I had no sign, so I held up the flag.

I had to ask myself what we were accomplishing.  At one point, unfortunately after the crowd had thinned a little, a news helecopter showed up and hovered around for a while.  I didn’t get a chance that night to watch for any evidence on the news of our particular demonstration.  I was there in hopes of making some local connections, but I kept thinking how much more powerful it would have been if all the suburbs had congregated at the down town rally and made for some really big numbers. 

I lack the social skills to initiate conversations with people I don’t know, so in the end the only thing I walked home with was a cheap flag I really didn’t know what to do with.  We have a nicer one we put out on occasion.  This one is now flying from the handle of the old portable CD player in my office.  I’m still glad to have been among those who came out and made their feelings known.  I’ll probably do it again in future, but there’s so much more we need to do, and most of it more productive than standing on the side of the street holding a sign.

Biblical Government Authority

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Today I read about Saul’s pursuit of David in I Sam 21-24. Chapter 21 begins with the account of David and his men eating the consecrated bread. I remember Jesus using this record to show that the laws were written for our benefit, not to imprison us. I also noted David’s respect for Saul because he was king, even though he was evil and out to kill him. God made him king, and until that changed he was due the respect of a king. Is that to be applied to our situation as American citizens today? Are we to take Romans 13:1 to mean that our government officials are placed in authority by God and we are to give them respect according to their station as David did to Saul? In the Thursday Bible study we’ve been reading Daniel. What I see there is again respect for the king, but also a refusal to obey any order that violated God’s law.

Every so often I think about the evil that some of my tax money is put to. I wonder if it is participation in that evil to pay taxes. In such times I remember Paul writing of the appropriateness of paying taxes to a government that was completely pagan and engaged in persecution of Christians. I also remember Jesus saying “give to Cesar what is Cesar’s.” I come to the conclusion that I must work within the confines of the law of my land until that law requires me to do evil. I am thankful to live in a country where I have the freedom to speak and to vote. I wonder if it is too late for either to change our course, but I will use it until it is taken away.

The Unexamined Life is Precious Too

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Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  I never took philosophy.  I don’t know everything that was behind that statement, but it keeps popping up in the oddest of places.  I keep hearing it from the pulpit.  It’s usually delivered as part of an exhortation to look at our own lives critically and discern what is good and what is not.  The message is Biblical.  I’m probably a bit too introspective, but this quote bothers me.

It bothers me because it puts man’s value on life rather than God’s.  Life is precious because God creates and loves it, not because we made it worthwhile through our own efforts.  If we take this quote at face value, abortion is ok, because a life has no value until or unless its owner can examine it and gives it worth.  Beyond that, anyone who will not or cannot engage in such evaluation has no hope to achieve a status worthy of existence.  This is not God’s way.

It’s good to make use of cultural references to teach the truth.  Paul did it.  However, we should use wisdom in so doing.  Your worth is determined by Jesus.  He thought you were worth dying for.  The examination of your life in comparison to God’s standard is a necessary component of Christian growth, but don’t let any man, no matter how intelligent, famous, or profound, tell you what your life is worth.

Summits and Valleys

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I write this prayerfully and with what I hope is due respect for the parties directly or indirectly mentioned. My intent is to explore the underlying issues and maybe promote some understanding. I also hope to explain if not excuse the reactions some may have observed from me in the course of events I’m about to describe.

Once a month, we have a group from another church come in and do our service. We meet at 2:30 in the afternoon, so they come straight from their own services to do ours. Their style could not be more different than what most of our congregation is used to. We are in most ways a very traditional Baptist church. There are some notable exceptions, and those exceptions are the reason Linda and I attend. I’ll fill that in later. They are part of a traditional Charismatic church. I used the word traditional purposefully. Charismatics love to bash tradition, seemingly unable to see that they have simply developed their own set of traditions that are merely different than the ones they despise. .

First, here’s a little background for those who may not yet know. I am almost blind. I was raised in a family whose beliefs are more closely aligned with the charismatic theology and style of worship. I grew up hearing about and praying for physical healing. Linda has multiple sclerosis. She returned to the Lord later in life and graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary. Linda and I believe that God has not changed and is still active in the way that He was when the New Testament was written.

Bartimaeus Baptist Temple, the church we now attend, has existed for over fifty years to meet the needs of people with disabilities. If you had told me about the church just a short time ago, I would not have been interested. As I’ve pointed out, my traditions are not Baptist, though my family attended Baptist churches from time to time and I have no quarrel with their statement of faith. I also had no interest in being part of a group of other “disabled” people. I still do not believe we should cloister ourselves and steep in our troubles. We need to get out and be a part of the world we live in.

However, a gracious and merciful God wasn’t done with me yet. I think it may have started with the Bethel Series Bible study that I participated in a few years ago. One of the first concepts it teaches is that we are blessed in order that we may be a blessing. I began to think about what I have been blessed with. One of the greatest blessings is the attitude and approach to the challenge of disability fostered in me by the wise guidance of my parents. I began to ask myself how I might give back out of what I have been given. That suggests some form of ministry to (and through) other people with disabilities. Maybe I needed to lay down my pride over something I actually had little to do with and begin to share what I have. I began to consider some kind of support network, designed to show people with disabilities how God intended to use them and launch them out into the “real world.”

Then I met and married my beloved wife, Linda. A better match for this mission could not have been made. In addition to complementary skill sets, we combine the two perspectives of one who has experienced disability from birth and one who faced it later in life. We have found unity of purpose in this ministry.

Even so, when Linda discovered BBT and wanted me to visit with her, I approached it with something less than enthusiasm. We had not yet found a place where we were both truly happy. Not really believing such a place could exist, I had adopted a stoic approach to the whole church attendance thing. If I could just find some fellowship and maybe a chance to teach wherever we landed I would be content if we could only stay there. I liked where we were well enough and prospects seemed good.

The service at BBT was much as I expected it to be, except when it wasn’t. When the pastors wife began praying for people and receiving words of knowledge about them, I knew this place was anything but typical. It brought back memories of churches Dad pastored where he attempted to introduce long forgotten elements of truth to congregations’ who had not known them. I felt at home. I started to see the church as a place I could be myself and fulfill the ministry God was preparing me for. After two Sundays and a talk with Pastor David Whitmore, I was ready to join. The appearance of Summitt Church for the fourth Sunday was icing on the cake. I would even get a little worship of the kind I was accustomed to once a month.

Then, they came for us. Suddenly it wasn’t so fun anymore. Linda has a stronger reaction than I do most of the time. She’s not used to it. I grew up with it. We were surrounded and hands descended from all directions to pray for our healing. It’s not that I don’t believe He can. I still hope that someday He will and that before I go to meet Him. However, to this point He has not chosen to do so. Some would say I lack faith. I can’t really disagree with that, though it was not always so. A host of other reasons follow, some of them possibly valid. I can’t help but think they often represent excuses to soothe the egos of the would be agents of healing when God doesn’t jump to do their bidding.

I confess that I have allowed my internal conflict with this issue to color my reaction to some sincere and wonderful people who come to us with the best of intentions. In part it’s a reaction to the disappointment I feel that God has not given me what I want. In part it’s that I’m faced with big questions that affect how we are to serve him in the place we find ourselves. Either I am following His lead or I am missing Him entirely. The practical side of me says that whatever I believe about healing, I am surrounded by people who have not experienced it and I must deal with the reality in concrete and compassionate ways. The emotional part of me draws from the teaching I grew up on and says we should be praying for and seeing all of us restored to health, thus invalidating our ministry. Some combination of the two is probably the best answer, but I have not been able to resolve the conflict.

I Protest!

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A few weeks ago I did something I’ve never done before. I attended a public protest. It was one of the many Tea Party protests that sprung up in response to the massive and destructive spending spree our government has engaged in. I didn’t really think beforehand about what it would be like. I felt strange being there, even though I am in full agreement with the subject. Maybe it is because being in the presence of anger has always made me a little uncomfortable. Maybe it is because most of the time when a protest is publicized it’s for causes I would oppose. Protests are something radical ’60s hippies did, not something I do.

I’ll do it again though. I’ll even encourage all of you (the 3 or 4 who may read this) to do the same. I hope to see you at the next Tea Party. For too long too many of us have set passively by while our freedoms and futures are chipped away by government officials who have either forgotten or disregarded their purpose. Whether mere protest will have any effect I have my doubts, but we must appeal to whatever conscience is left in our elected representatives or at least convince them that their self interest is not served by ignoring us.

Long term, protest certainly is not enough. We must as good stewards of that which God has given us in this country perform our duties as citizens. This includes a diligent investigation of the issues of the day and the people whom we elect. It includes taking the knowledge gained to the polls and casting our votes. Consider these words from Jesus’ story of the talents in Matt 25.

“For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. (Matt 25:29 NASU)

I can’t end a post like this without pointing out something you’re probably tired of hearing me say, but it’s essential. Our primary mission is to preach the Gospel. If we do not repent, no amount of political maneuvering will save us. If we turn our hearts as a nation to Yahweh, then we may expect real change. So do everything you have the power to do in this country to preserve it, but also remember that our true salvation is in Jesus.

Pagan Christianity

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The post title is that of a book I just finished reading by Frank Viola and George Barna. The book goes through just about every facet of the typical modern church and shows how each has its roots in pagan practice or human embellishment rather than scripture. The basic layout of the sanctuary, the order of service, the sermon, the pastor, communion, and even the tithe all come under scrutiny. The authors contend that these things all take away from the proper functioning of the church.

To give this book a proper review would require extensive note taking and study that I did not do, but most of its content rings true to me. We like the Pharisee’s have elevated our traditions above the word of God. They are not necessarily wrong within themselves, but we should not hold them sacred. I am certainly tired of them. I’ve been in churches of many stripes and enjoyed some more than others, but inevitably I end up thinking the same thing. Here we go again. I prefer the charismatic flavored service with its emphasis on worship, but it too becomes stale as we do the same things week to week. There is little room for the congregation to become involved in the process beyond following the lead from the stage. Our current processes do little to enhance the growth of the individual believer, and the large meeting venues we typically choose to congregate in do not lend themselves easily to anything beyond entertainment.

In recent years, churches have begun to understand this, and have instituted small group settings in an attempt to address it. This is helpful, but participation is generally a fraction of the churches membership. The small group meetings are often just as regimented as the church service, , reducing their effectiveness. The traditional church model is inflexible, expensive, and will not survive in an increasingly hostile environment.

Neither I nor the book’s authors necessarily advocate a mass exodus from the traditional church. The book begins with an admonition against using it as pretext for rebellious and disruptive activity. Yet by the end of the book, one gets the impression that a radical change is indeed what it calls for. I think this change will happen. A quest for that which is genuine combined with increased persecution will demand a change in our approach to His service. The church is properly defined as all who are His.

I think the book does have some problems. In an effort to keep the book accessible to all readers, details that would have better supported its claims were left out. I would particularly like to have seen more Biblical references. It would have been helpful also to show where in scripture current practice is supposedly drawn from and why the reference is misused or not applicable. This was done in a few cases, but not consistently. Granted, the authors’ point is that there are no Biblical foundations for much of what we do, perhaps justifying this seeming omission. It may also be that more notes would have been present in the printed book. I rely on audio recordings which may not include such things as footnotes. Extensive reference is made to 1 Corinthians 14, yet the authors don’t address the fact that Paul is correcting a church that is out of order in this chapter. It seems the same sort of “cherry picking” that the book itself condemns is employed here.

I also question the assertion that there is no place for authority figures within the body. To be fair, this is not exactly what is being said, but I am left with the impression that not only is the pastor’s office being disputed, but any leadership position that does not arise naturally within a given group of believers. How then does Paul speak with such authority to the Corinthians’? Why are decisions about church practice taken to Jerusalem to be worked out? Why does Paul list qualifications for deacons and elders? While I would agree that far too much responsibility is placed on the shoulders of the modern day pastor, I think it’s clear that some kind of authority structure is scripturally sanctioned.

In summary, I think this is a great book for all Christians to read and consider. Read it with caution, but allow the truth to come through. Be willing to discard anything that seems holy yet cannot be supported by His Word, especially if it inhibits your relationship with Yahweh and His people. We will not reach the lost with rites and traditions. We will reach them with the truth and the love of Jesus.

It’s Your Bed Time

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I think it would be hard to find a kid who doesn’t dream of the day when they’re old enough to set their own bed time. Little do they know that power isn’t likely to come in their lifetime. The government took it in 1915. Daylight saving time is so normal to us that we don’t think of it as unusual. I have yet to find anyone else among the many conservative columnists I read who has remarked on this particular piece of intrusive government control. Long before anyone started howling about government in our bedrooms, they were already setting our alarm clocks for us.

Possibly because it is not a hot-button issue, Wikipedia seems to have produced a balanced article on the subject, showing that the benefits of DST are questionable. I guess that’s why Congress decided we needed to change it. According to the article, this last bit of meddling may have cost us as much as $1 billion. That doesn’t sound like as much as it should; given the $1 trillion we just blew on a stimulus that will do the opposite of its stated purpose. It’s not all that important by itself. It’s just one more among countless examples of a government out of control.

A Good Thing

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He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. (Prov 18:22 NASB)

If it’s in the Bible, it hast to be true, right? I don’t think it’s a stretch to read many of the Proverbs as generalities or statements about the way things should be. I certainly have known my share of people including myself who have disagreed with the above statement and sometimes with good reason in the individual case. Yet if a marriage is lived by God’s principles the Proverb rings emphatically true. I’m writing today to rejoice in the “good thing” that has come into my life and to publically brag on her a little. I hope it serves to bless her and not to embarrass her.

I was reminded what a treasure I have found this week as we celebrated her birthday. Though she has revealed the number in other settings I won’t presume to do so here. Suffice to say it was one that people celebrate as a milestone. Several months ago she started talking about wanting it to be special. Oh the pressure. What was I supposed to do?

I experienced some relief when she came up with her own idea. With our gracious pastor’s permission, she presented her vision for Mission Accessible, her fledgling non-profit organization promoting a network of churches like the one we attend. She said this birthday was to be about the launch of something glorifying God instead of herself. I never expressed my skepticism of that claim. It seemed to me to be still about her. It was a good presentation. You can hear it here. I should also point out that I’m with her all the way.

What really changed my mind was actually the next day, her actual birthday. I was going to do my best to make it special. By her request I had already taken the day off. I got up before she did and was prepared to serve her all day, not requiring that she even leave the bed if that’s what she wanted. She was going to surprise me. When she woke up, she wasn’t interested in breakfast. She wanted to get ready and go out. We did have a nice lunch, but what she wanted was to go visit some of our church members who are in a nursing home. It was a delightful day, and I don’t know if I have ever been more proud of her.

We all struggle with selfishness. For my birthday, I drug family in from across town to have dinner at one of my favorite restaurants near our house. She gave hers away. Now I have a real challenge before me. Can I match her for my upcoming milestone birthday? Linda has publically spoken of her struggle with a self centered lifestyle. This week, I saw more proof that she is determined to put that behind her and succeeding. She puts me to shame.

When I first got to know her, I appreciated her faith and trust in Yahweh. I saw a woman devoted to the truth and determined to live what she believed. I’ve never known anyone to so eagerly embrace each new thing the Lord teaches her. I’m still working on things I should have settled as a child, growing up as I did in a faithful household with exemplary parents. As time passes I learn to love and appreciate her more and more. Through all of our struggles and mistakes, God is building something wonderful. She inspires me to greater devotion in my own life. She is showing me how to live the things I say I believe. Truly I have found a good thing and obtained favor from Yahweh.